I don’t remember when I attended my first networking group probably because I’ve blocked it out. I’m fairly certain I did a crappy job.
I was scared, shaking in fact, and had no idea what to do. When it came to my turn to impress people with “what I did” I have no idea what I said. I could barely speak.
I hated networking. Sometimes I still do. Well, I hate the “old-school” way of networking. (That’s also why I started Biz Divas.)
Old-school style is giving out as many business cards as possible in the hour you are together, getting as many business cards, making small talk to “impress” people, pitching people on your stuff then putting all of those business cards into your database so you can spam them. Lame. Super lame.
As Marilyn Sorensen said at a recent networking group she spoke at, Networking is really just a fancy word for making friends. It’s about connecting. It’s about being genuinely supportive to other people. That’s it.
People ask all the time how to network if you are shy.
Flashback to me as a kid: quiet and shy. I was more content drawing and playing with one or two other kids and disliked being in the spotlight.
Flashback to me in high school: quiet, shy and now add a low self esteem.
Flashback to college: ditto for what was in high school.
This shifted in my mid-to-late 20s. I have not always been someone who could easily talk to people. In fact, I still have to prepare myself to go into a room full of people and talk to them. It’s still a stretch. You can still be an excellent networker if it scares you!
This is how you do it:
#1: Stop making it about you!
If you are having thoughts like “networking doesn’t work” then you are making it about you. Make it about how you can serve someone else.
#2: Give first, then receive.
Give value and then you will receive value. Give connections and people will be more likely to give you the connections you are looking for. Give referrals and people will remember that and refer you when it comes up.
#3: Show up more than once.
People will buy after they have been exposed to a product 4-7 times. Just because you go to an event once and you walk away without any sales doesn’t mean the event was a failure. Are you showing up consistently? If not, then don’t complain.
#4: Know what you do.
If you are showing up at an event and every month you are doing something different, or now you have this new package and the next month you have a new, new package and the next month you have a new, new and really new package, no one knows what to expect from you. Stick to your core message. Just because you are bored with it doesn’t mean your prospects are. Get your elevator pitch down!
And you can’t be an expert at everything. Focus on your niche. (You can get help with this at the July next Biz Divas – see below for details and for what is happening in June.)
#5: Ask questions then stop talking.
In a networking setting, ask meaningful questions. Then listen. Then do what most people don’t do and connect them to a possible contact or resource. Suggest who they can talk to if what they are looking for isn’t you. Be a good connector.
#6: Find a match.
Find a group that resonates with you. Go to where your ideal client will be. If your ideal client is women then find groups or events that have women. If your ideal client are moms of pre-school age children, then find out where they are hanging out, or blogging or shopping and talk to them.
#7: Authenticity is everything.
Be real. Be honest. Show up authentically. People will connect with you. And since you show up regularly, people will trust you.
#8: Follow Up.
Just do it. Phone, email, card, social media…it doesn’t matter, just do it. Stop trying to make it perfect and just follow up authentically. A thank-you goes a long way.
#9: Be Grateful.
Thank people for giving you referrals. Thank people who refer you. Amber Griffiths of AG Design is the queen at this. Every time I’ve given her a referral, she has sent me a thank-you card with in a couple of days of receiving the referral. I’ve even gotten a thank-you from her when she was able to bid on a graphic design job and she didn’t know if she got the bid. Now that is a class act.
It’s really that simple. If you are in business you have to meet people. You can “meet” people online but you can LEVERAGE your business when you connect with people.
Your next client, deal, sale and solution may not happen with the person in front of you, but everything happens THROUGH people. Get out of your office and connect.
I keep hearing “you know you are living your purpose if there is ease and flow.” What does that mean?
I’m confused by this. I see brilliant entrepreneurs quit in the middle of their process because they didn’t feel like it was easy or in the flow.
But here is the thing. We are beings of nature and in nature everything has a rhythm to it. Our human bodies have a rhythm to it. When a woman has a baby, their body knows what to do. It’s a natural process. (This will make sense in a second.)
I’m pretty sure there are times when it doesn’t feel easy or in the flow. There are times of intensity, yet we know it’s in the flow because we TRUST the process and we are committed to the result.
Why do we apply stipulations to our business that we don’t apply to nature? Example: If it’s not easy, it means that I’m not supposed to go down this particular path in my business.
Yet, as women we know our bodies go through many cycles and phases. In the middle of a cold do you tell yourself that because it’s not easy, I’m going to quit? Do you tell yourself that it’s a sign that I’m not supposed to be on this path? Sure, it may be a sign that you need to rest but to totally change gears at the drop of a hat? You have to go THROUGH the cold to get to the result of health.
Yes, you do know that you are in your purpose when you are in ease and flow AND just like in nature, there are times of intensity. We see this all around us: intensity in weather, the birthing process, healing from a cold, etc. Rather than taking the intensity as a “sign” that it’s not supposed to happen, and you are supposed to QUIT, understand that through the intensity you will get your desired result. Stick with the process. You will know what is “intensity” or if you should change directions.
I know your inbox is getting full of emails that start with “Can you believe that 2011 is almost here?” “Wow what a 2010…”
And while I appreciate all of the New Year’s Wishes, I have a few mixed thoughts on 2010.
I’m going to get transparent about what is really up for me as 2010 comes to a close.
I’m soooo glad to be complete with the roller coaster of 2010! While it’s been a remarkable year, 2010 also holds some of the darkest times I’ve had in years. It was a huge growth year of self discovery and holds some huge life lessons that I created. And it was all perfect.
I’ve learned several HUGE things this past year, a few of which have taken my breath away. Sometimes because I was in awe of miraculous synchronicity and other times because I was energetically kicked in the gut.
As more entrepreneurs share their successes and challenges with me from the last year, I see that we have one big thing in common. 2010 held opportunities for us to look at any remaining residue that was holding us back. No longer could we put a Band-Aid over it or turn the other way, we were “forced” to look at it and when we saw the perfection of it, we were able to release it.
And the beautiful part that I saw time and time again is that this process was relatively quick if we chose to commit to our truth and success more than we were willing to hang on to our “stories” of smallness.
As a result I have a deeper sense of purpose. Here are the top six lessons I learned and how I’m choosing to insert them into my business for 2011:
1. Ask for Help. Period.
Tip: Ask for help before it becomes or feels like a crisis.
2. Receive Help When It’s Offered.
This has been a huge pitfall for me in 2010. One where I got to renegotiate my word, compromise sacred time for my own soul, and denied people from contributing their gifts to the vision of what we could co-create because I chose to do things myself. I have great help around me now and my what a difference it makes.
Tip: You are worthy and deserving to receive support.
3. Hire Experts
Even though I’m good at a lot of things, hiring experts to be part of my team has allowed me the space to get really clear about not only what I’m damn good at but what do I LOVE to do. I know it’s something I LOVE to do because I feel like a kid at Christmas and I can’t wait to share it!
Tip: Continue to hire experts. Continue to invest in coaches. Only work with people who are rock stars at what they do and align with your values.
4. Let Go of Toxic Relationships and Circumstances.
This has been difficult for me because ever since I was a kid I’ve been the person who just wants everyone to get along. When someone chooses a different path than the one I’m on and vice versa I go through my cycle of grieving for the space that has been created by their departure. And this isn’t just people; it’s the self-created circumstances and those darn conversations in my own head. You know, “those conversations” …they fuel the self doubt and the fear storms.
Tip: You have the right to control your environment. Clear out the clutter and release the people and things that don’t fully support your vision and potential.
5. Know When to Rest and When to Move with Urgency
Quite frankly, my physical body has taken the biggest abuse in 2010. There were times when I didn’t give myself permission to rest and rejuvenate. This showed up as gained weight, fatigue and feeling overwhelmed. Moving forward I know that rest is the only way to receive inspiration and motivation. The good news is I’m honoring my natural rhythms of when I’m most inspired. I’m still making changes to take better care of myself and it feels awesome.
Tip: Rest and give yourself time off. Schedule lunch and stretch breaks on your calendar if you have to. Take care of your body so it can be the machine that makes the difference you want to make through your business.
6. THE BIGGEST LESSON I received is to Trust My Purpose and Value. My business has shifted a lot in the past year. I’m playing bigger and I’ve committed to surround myself with people who are playing bigger. The more I allow my purpose to spring forth, the more opportunities I notice and have the confidence to take action on. I’m also totally clear on my path, value and message. I got to let go of some of the bright sparkly things that looked fun but were really distractions from my bigger purpose.
Tip: Working on your confidence and personal development is essential. When you are clear on your value you charge what you are worth and you get it. If your goal is to get more clients, you don’t have a client issue. You have a marketing and sales issue, which links to a confidence issue. You can sell yourself better than anyone else can. Doing it with confidence creates results quickly.
When I heard this, I had major resistance because I had “built” my business on this principle. Or so I thought.
My coach gave me a challenge and that was to NEVER do a TRADE again. Some call it bartering, I called it an energy exchange.
Is TRADE killing your business? It was mine and this is why.
The single greatest act of service you can give to your client that will create the biggest transformation is the opportunity to invest in themselves.
The investment is proof to themselves of their value, talent, potential and it now opens a flood of other possibilities. By not accepting that investment, you rob them of the very experience that they so desire, which is to embrace their own value.
The truth is if someone wants to work with you and they see the value in it they will do what ever it takes to invest in you. The excuse “I can’t afford it” is never about the money. It’s an easy way out, I’ve used it, I’ve had people use it on me and it’s not the true reason.
The new rule for doing a trade is you write the other person a check, they write you a check. Even if it’s the same amount and you essentially swap.
Isn’t it true that if you want something bad enough, you find a way?
I still do “trades” but this way we both have the rich EXPERIENCE of investing in ourselves and receiving value of what we have invested in. If you have ever done a traditional “trade” and one or both of you get burned out because you aren’t totally committed, it’s most likely because you didn’t value it completely from the beginning.
My TRADE Guidelines:
1. If it’s something that both parties already wanted, then do a trade. And a trade is NOW, you write them a check, they write you a check. You deposit each other’s checks and track it in your bookkeeping (which you are supposed to do with barters anyway by the way).
2. No more than 15% of your monthly income is done in trades. My rule of thumb is 10%, which is the same amount I give back, whether in donations, tithe, or gifting.
3. Exchange service for service. Exchange hard costs for hard costs. If I have a product that costs me (my hard cost) $300 and someone wants to trade me for two massages worth $300, I have to consider my hard costs. Is it worth it and does it makes sense? To make it easy, exchange service for service and hard cost for hard cost.
4. Track all exchanges in writing just as you would with any client or customer. Clarity serves everyone in the long run. Write it down. Keep it simple.
Wanna know the piece of coaching that rocked my world four weeks ago? What totally shook me up and caused me to question EVERYTHING? What caused me to let go of a ton of guilt, “should-haves,” and “what-ifs?”
First, let me explain the state I was in. I was hungry for something to shift in my life and businesses and ready to release what ever block, problem, what ever I had to, so I can get the results I wanted quicker. I saw some recurring patterns in my life and business and I was DONE! It was those tiny, little nagging things that added up to be big results.
I had realized that the whole idea of working harder, going a little bit longer, hang on tightly because it will eventually work out was a lie. And I had bought into it. But that wasn’t the real problem. The real problem was how in the world do I reframe THOSE stories of “working harder” with something that actually works? How do I stop working harder and work SMARTER?
Anyone else with me? Have you ever felt just so READY to be DONE with the current self-created circumstances? Have you ever felt like something has GOT TO GIVE so you can see the next step? I was there. I was soooooo there. Granted, things were going pretty well but I was ready for spectacular.
So I set the intention to find a teacher. Someone who can show me what I’m not seeing.
Then I come across Suzanne Evans. I was awed and inspired and loved her irreverence. She teaches business how it is while making an impact on the world worth noting. She didn’t cut corners, she is bold, honest, and most of all BRILLIANT. On our call I was asking her about the options she had available for clients and she got done telling me about her programs starting at $67 a month for a do-it-yourself product to her premium $47,000 a year package. I didn’t even question whether she could deliver $47,000 of value to my businesses and life. The only thing I was questioning is HOW I could swing forty-seven grand right now. Seriously? I’ve never purchased a car for even that much mula!
I settled on her $10,000 annual program and said something like “Hmmmm, I’m just not sure how I can make this happen right this second. There has got to be a way…”
And this is what rocked my world!
Suzanne said “Angela, what is there to worry about? You haven’t even made the decision. Until you make the decision there is no ‘how’ to even consider. You have to make the decision FIRST, the way will unfold but only AFTER you make the decision.”
Eh? I went into defense in my mind. I have to know what my options are and how each one would work and analyze what would work best and, and, and…let the insanity begin. Then I got it. OMG. I got it.
How many times did I THINK I was making a decision and I really wasn’t? I was preparing for Plan A to take place, while also preparing for plan B, C, D and F in the background of my mind going at the same time. No wonder I got confused, frustrated and got mixed results. I was giving my energy too many things to focus on.
When I thought I was making a decision, I was really letting myself off the hook from being 100% committed to my ideal outcome. End of story.
Making a decision means cutting yourself off from all other options. It means taking all other options off of the table. It means doing what ever it takes to fulfill the vision. (It doesn’t mean over-committing and doing it all by yourself while working yourself to death.)
I realized I had made a lot of “decisions” by default.
So I made the decision to work with Suzanne who is a seven-figure coach. When I made the decision the way unfolded. I put a project on hold because I realized that wasn’t my priority. This gave me the additional cash flow I needed. I launched a new product and program because it was finally time to stop hiding. Her program ended up being decreased in price by just over $4,000. I received money from unexpected resources. I found a killer flight to Orlando where our first live meeting will be with Suzanne and a mastermind. Everything supported me taking full advantage of the opportunity. I made the DECISION and expected it to be so. Things are still unfolding to support my DECISION.
When I catch myself saying “If this doesn’t go as planned, I can always do plan B, or it’s not a sign that I should do it…I know I haven’t made the decision but once again let myself off the hook from getting what I know at some level is possible.
“IF I hire (insert ANY company hire), HOW would I afford it?”
“If I attend this event, HOW could I schedule it in?”
“If I tell my client this isn’t working out, HOW will they respond.”
“If I tell my significant other they are bugging me, HOW will they react.”
Notice your conversations, if you start the statement with “IF” and it’s followed by worrying about a hypothetical situation, STOP. There is nothing to worry about until you make the decision. And even when you make the decision, worry isn’t required. Worry doesn’t get you closer to your desired results.
It’s simply making the decision. Commit. Take action. Ask for guidance. Rely on what you DO know. Trust. Surrender. Take more action. Get quiet. (Not entirely in that order, but close.) And the way will unfold.
Now this doesn’t go to say, you can’t change your mind ever. Or that it’s not useful to consider your options. But, do you get the impact of this on your relationships, bank account, business, health, etc. My world is still shaking from this simple, yet profound concept.
Making a decision means I take full accountability for my results. Yep, it can be a bit intense at times. But after all, I did say that I was “ready for something to give” so I could see my next step. Who would have thought that the ‘thing that would give’ would be my habit of being indecisive. Because if it didn’t work out, I would be the only person to point a finger at. WOW – now that is total honesty.
That is the true power.
And nothing feels better than to look at your results and know that you created it. You created the way. You received the support to make it possible and you couldn’t have designed it any more perfectly.
The only question left is “What is your decision?”
